Tami Winder/ February 26, 2019/ Most Popular Posts, Our story, Religion, Seeking Sister Wife

Choosing to have a voice

Out of everyone in the world, I’m the last person I would ever have guessed would do a TV show, let alone live in as controversial a lifestyle as plural marriage- yet I’m happily doing both of those things. Life has a way of throwing you curve balls and being on a TV show about plural marriage is full proof of that. I’ve always been quiet and shy. I can stand up for myself if I want to, but it seems there have always been other people in my life that have always done it for me. They usually do it quite well. Not only that, but I’ve never seen the point in telling everyone my opinions on things or tying to convince them to see things the way I do. I’ve felt that it doesn’t do any good so I usually prefer to stay quiet, listen to what others say, take the good and leave the bad.

Find the things you believe in and are passionate about and don’t be afraid of them

So doing a TV show where we let people see our lives as a plural family- something most people see in a negative light- might seem like a bad idea. But here’s the thing: there was a time in my life when I was really struggling with feeling self-worth and figuring out who I am. The conclusion I came to is this: if you don’t stand up for who you are, then eventually you will fade away. You’ll lose friends, sometimes family, but you’ll also lose yourself. I don’t mean that you always have to be front and center and involved in everything. Rather, I mean that you have to believe in yourself. So I did some real soul-searching and found the things that I truly believe in and the things that I’m passionate about, and learned to let my fear of offending or disappointing others go.

These are my reasons for going on a TV show

I saw the opportunity to do this TV show as a way of learning how to do this. It has been hard- it’s always hard to do things you know others will disagree with, but even harder to do things you know will most likely confuse and hurt those you love. I’m not living this lifestyle with the intention of doing that, but I know there are those in my life that view it as going against all the principles and teachings of morality that we were raised with. However, I don’t see it that way at all. This is a lifestyle that Colton, Sophie, and I have all consented to and believe that it will make us better people. I have seen the truth in this even in the short amount of time we’ve been married.

But I was still nervous how our family would be seen

These were my reasons for going on a TV show. I was still nervous about how our family would be portrayed- I am full aware that we are a pretty boring family when it comes to adventures and drama (and I’m also OK with that). I know that a lot of our drama may look manufactured. I also recognize that TV shows usually have to have some drama, because that’s what sells. I was worried about how we would provide that. I also worried about how I personally would be able to express myself and show the world who I am. I worried about how I could show them that I want to be in this lifestyle, knowing the perceptions that so many people have of plural marriage and Mormonism. It can be hard enough for me to do that for my family and friends, so how was I supposed to do it to for the world? But after thinking about it (a LOT) I realized that it really isn’t that different than the conclusion I shared earlier: if you don’t use your voice in support of your identity, you can easily just fade away. It’s hard to know that you’ve hurt people in your life with the choices you’ve made and the beliefs that you hold dear, but you have to live your life for yourself. We can’t ride into exaltation on someone else’s back. It’s been a hard thing for me to accept that I can’t please everyone and that if I try to deny what I believe, I will be the one that ends up hurt and unhappy.

I want others to see what we have

So even though I prefer to quietly watch what’s going on around me, and not draw attention to myself, I chose to do this TV show with my family. I want to show everyone that this is something I have chosen to do because I see how it can help not just my family, but other families that, as consenting adults, want to live plural marriage and practice their religion in peace and freedom. I want others to see what we have: a happy, faithful, loving, consenting, plural family. I may not have always enjoyed myself while filming- we’ll talk more about our experiences during filming later- but I have enjoyed seeing the growth in myself and my family as we find our voice, grow and become better every day.

Come back next week to hear why Colton wanted to be on a TV show!